I watch the clock. You may feel that you are a victim of stigma. Except this time it's in reverse. The same team. With one look, one sigh, we'd know what the other was going through, commiserate and feel justified in knowing our partner understood and appreciated the sacrifice and effort we were going through to make our own little world better and brighter for the future. He wakes first every morning, spends about 30 minutes with our daughter, gets ready and leaves to travel through whatever inclement weather we're having, share the subway with other tortured New Yorkers and manage 50 or so people all over the country, all day long. In Family, Motherhood by Kelli Hrivnak August 21, 2017. … After my day, I clean up her mess and then delve into mine. There are pros and cons in both scenarios and mothers should follow whatever is best for them, based on their specific situation. And according to millions of mothers from across the country, they agree. Whether you have one kid or three kids, staying home with them 24/7 can be difficult. I can choose to remain in my PJ's all day. Blogger, Writer, Producer, Host, Brand Consultant. I truly did not understand that my mother had desires, dreams, and aspirations, but also wanted to raise five children with support and love from a parent who was constantly in the home. She wins, I sigh. All rights reserved. Literally any modifier put in front of "mom" doesn't change that fact. At least I can openly verbalize to an employer what my needs are and although some work spaces aren’t as receptive, there’s often a human resources department that allows for employees to voice their questions, comments, and concerns. I just kind of thought, in my naïveté, that she enjoyed going batsh*t crazy when there were dishes in the sink or clean clothes stuffed under our (my) beds. And the "call" is in the eye of the beaten-down beholder. We both ask how the other's day went and can still tell by one look but that's the only element that has remained from our previous, well-rested lives. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Having recently rejoined the fulltime work force after 25 years of mostly staying home, I can say that fulltime mom is way harder than employment. The idea that fathers can stay at home to rear kids is … This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Plus, I got a chance to talk to other people who understood my plight as a parent. This includes staying out of the house even when you forget diapers and should probably go home because your child is not even close to being ready for underwear. Who can a SAHM run to without the judgment of someone assuming she just doesn’t want to be a mom? For Stay- at-Home Moms Pro -- Adequate time with your little one The stigma that a SAHM has such an easy task at hand is borderline offensive, especially when they have also worked outside the home and truly know what it’s like to do both. The ground seems slanted, the court warped,the turf tainted. In all the months I’d been staying at home, I had far too many missed meals or meals that would go cold that I’d have to scarf down in order to function. How much longer? This clock moves painfully slow. "When are you coming home? Clutter can make me feel stress in my body, such as tension, mild headaches, and shortness of breath. Some stay-at-home moms feel their babies are clingier than those of working moms. Download theAsianparent Community on iOS or Android now! When you and your child are sick, the sheer willpower required … Adjusting to preschool is sometimes challenging for such kids. I get it. At most places of employment, when you take lunch, you're actually allowed to feed yourself, not spend lunchtime preparing a meal for your boss, cutting it into painstakingly small pieces, while he screams at you for not moving faster. To be honest, I hated it. Then, the future arrived. Praying I fall back to sleep. We're no longer on an even playing field. As a stay-at-home mom or dad, when you’re sick, there is no time off. I thought to myself, “No shi*!” It baffles me that people have this idea that staying at home versus going to work outside the home is much easier. Mr and Mrs Sng: Together For Nearly A Century, Spent Most Of Their Lives Married To One Another, Experts May Have Found The Best Way To Manage Tantrums, Woman Suspects Mother-in-law Fell Pregnant To Compete With Her, © Copyright theAsianparent 2020. It's not a sprint, it's a never-ending marathon, and we're showing signs of fatigue and PTSD at the 24-mile mark. Different playing fields. When the Stay-At-Home Mom Is Considered an "Easy Job" When the Above Question Comes out of the Mouth of Another Adult, It's Very Disappointing Being a SAHM is more than just sitting in the recliner, eating popcorn, and binge watching Netflix. It’s hard though. This is basically a woman who is … I had often thought that she had such a carefree life. I now see that both sets of mothers, those who work outside of the home and those who stay at home with their children, work equally hard. I spend the fast-dwindling hour(s) -- it's like there's a large print, shot clock blasted on the wall, loudly ticking down -- writing, editing, pitching, dreaming, scheming, screaming, all the while that "Housewives" episode is looming over, taunting me and I probably should eat something. There's no time card or mandatory meeting, deadline or office drama. And, for awhile, we were so enamored and delirious in a new family fog which clouded our otherwise selfish thoughts. There’s no such thing as expectations and goals because baby bosses do exactly what they want, when they want it no matter what was planned for the day. "I Am Totally Underappreciated" The worst feeling in the world is the feeling of being unappreciated. From feeding and bathing, stay at home moms are the primary source of children’s basic needs being met. When I got the opportunity to go back to work, I ran for the door. Except I lie there. Here's Why Being A Stay-At-Home-Mum Is Harder Than A Working Mother. ), she's up. You are intimately connected with your child's development. ... being a stay at home mom (SAHM) is hard and can take a toll not only physically but mentally and emotionally. When we were both slaves to the man or, in my case, woman, there was common ground. Everyone knows that being a SAHM is all about playgroups, mommy meet-ups, luxuriating in baths during nap time and preparing a three-course dinner for your partner. We both have such idealized and naive versions of what life could be, sans reality. In between each act, I'm pushing a stroller, shopping for groceries, going to classes and trying to conduct business through the tears, screams, laughs and babble. Even the half-assed #MomLife is substantially more difficult than any run-of-the-mill adulting. I try not to text, definitely don't call. Published Sep 4, 2018. package of perfection. Stay-at-home mom is not a real job. She's all dewy and new, cuddly and warm, smelling of lavender and promise and we nestle in, as a family, for bedtime books. I win, she cries. Sometimes it is the better deal. With one look, one sigh, we'd know what the other was going through, commiserate and feel justified in knowing our partner understood and appreciated the sacrifice and effort we were going through to make our own … On top of the summer sun and catching up with friends and extra cuddles (the non-snotty ones), there is something undeniably liberating about being the master of your own schedule on the days you are not at work. More work time. But the fog has lifted. Praying they let me go for a few minutes longer. Every third Thursday, I break. Being a Stay at Home Mom is Hard. Yes, I believe that people in the workforce are overworked and underpaid in some areas. But other factors seem to indicate that, if asked, children would choose having a stay-at-home mom over a working one, primarily due to the improvement in well-being … I'm showered with love. It's a daily tug-of-war with emotions so high it feels like a two-woman Broadway show. I don’t know if it’s the visual chaos that bothers me or just knowing that likely I will be the one tasked with cleaning it up (unless my … Sometimes they come to … But even for die-hard work fans there are benefits to being at home. We play, we struggle, we laugh, we negotiate. There's also adult conversation, expensed business lunches with starters and a main course and sometimes wine; a bathroom stall to himself; a door to close and a computer to surf without little, sticky hands banging on it. As I prepared and organized his play area with all of his favorite toys, I proceeded to lie on the couch directly adjacent to his play area. Being a stay at home mom is by far the most difficult job there is.Shes on call 24/7. He comes home. I even got to enjoy my lunch break. When I was working full-time I was guilty of thinking (although I hope I was smart enough that I never said it), that stay-at-home moms didn't work nearly as hard as I did. My mother worked outside the home a good portion of my life, and once my last two siblings were born decided to stay home. WRONG! Whatever sports analogy you conjure, things are far from even. In a 6lb. After his day, he takes over. Motherhood is a blessing but being a working mother has to be one of the toughest jobs -- due to many constraints, women prefer to be stay-at-home moms. Being a stay at home mom has allowed me to be a mom boss. It was almost like a support group, of sorts. Being a stay at home mom is a job because: Meeting Basic Needs. He's earning a living for our family, wants to be home too. There’s no question that your child will be relying on you and you alone — a habit that can be hard to kick. Pro: Your children … I don't. But, I honestly believe that SAHMs bear a heavier burden. "I'd love to stay home, go for coffee, a nice, long walk," he hallucinates. But there’s no denying that being a stay at home mom is hard. We haven't been for some time now. Lifeless. The playing field has changed. Another reason why being a full-time, stay-at-home mom was harder for me than being a working mom: cleaning. It’s a relaxing set of days where you get to do yoga and have private time to catch up on your favorite shows or do some DIY activities you’ve found on Pinterest. We're still madly in love with our girl and our life. This article was first published on CafeMom and was republished on theAsianparent with permission. (Ha!) Everyone knows that being a SAHM is all about playgroups, mommy meet-ups, luxuriating in baths during nap time and preparing a three-course dinner for your partner. There's me and my girl and the endless options of how we choose to spend our day, snow or shine. Seriously I actually got a job just so I could get some rest! If you need to flag this entry as abusive, Raise the kind of person you'd like to know. Once she's in bed, we try to make dinner, sit at the table and have conversation. 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